


1 Peter 4:8

by VariousStories123



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Bible mention, CCG Kaneki Ken, Fluff and Angst, Human Kaneki, M/M, Poor Amon, Poor Kaneki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 22:25:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6629197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VariousStories123/pseuds/VariousStories123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1 Peter 4:8

Amon is eight and cold when he first goes to the Orphanage. He is greeted by the priest _(Father Donato, he remembers)_ and is taken to his room.

In the first night, he is lonely.

*** 

It is a year later when another boy comes.

He is tiny and watches the world with large grey eyes from afar, quiet and… alone.

Perhaps it is the last part that gets to Amon and so he goes up to him and with his hand outstretched, he introduces himself. "My name is Amon Koutarou. What's yours?"

A hand takes his slowly and a small shy smile spreads over the other boy's face. "K-Kaneki Ken. It's nice to meet you A-Amon-san."

***

Amon is ten when he hears something scratching the walls, a rattling sob.

Kaneki is sleeping next to him and he lands a hand on his shoulder, shaking him softly. The one time he had shook him roughly, Kaneki had woken up in a cry fit which had to be calmed down by Father Donato. Father had then talked to him aside, explaining the circumstances Kaneki had come from and Amon had understood.

Kaneki's bleary eyes opened and focused on him, "A-Amon?"

"Kaneki, I-I think I hear something," he said urgently. "Come with me."

Kaneki nodded hesitantly, "B-But won't Father Donato get mad?"

"We can just tell him that we heard something."

Kaneki nodded, slipping from his bed and he grabbed at Amon's hand. "O-Okay. W-What'd you hear?"

"Someone was crying."

Thus the two boys went walking, looking for the sound. Finally it led them to Father Donato's office. Amon opened the door.

Red and black stared at the two boys and a smile curved a dark, bloodied face. _"Who said you could come in?"_

*** 

Amon shivered next to Kaneki who just kept staring with wide eyes. The investigator crouched in front of them, a notepad out. "So he spared you two? Do you know why?"

Amon shook his head while Kaneki gripped his hand. The investigator finally just nodded before getting up. Then as an afterthought past his mind, he asked, "You don't have anywhere to go right?"

"Yes," Amon gritted out.

The investigator hummed before speaking again, "You and the other orphans will be staying at the CCG then unless you are adopted by then."

"CCG?"

It is then when the man in front of them gave a quirky smile. "We hunt Ghouls kid. Just like that Priest."

Amon stared up in awe before clenching the fist that wasn't holding Kaneki's hand. He looked at Kaneki who was still staring rather emptily. He gritted his teeth before looking up. "I want to join."

It is when the investigator leaves that Kaneki snaps back to himself and looks worriedly at Amon. "Y-You… You want to join the CCG?"

Amon nodded, eyes stormy. "I don't want what happened to the other kids to happen to other people! I want- I want to protect them!" _I want to protect you._

Kaneki looked at him and something passed over those eyes before he smiled _(the smile, it was wrong, wrong, wrong)_ and he touched his chin. "Then I'll join you. It'll be fun won't it?"

*** 

Amon looked behind him as he ran, seeing Kaneki at the end of the track. He bit his lip before running back, pushing Kaneki with his hand. Kaneki smiled a bit ashamedly at him. "S-Sorry Amon."

"Don't talk," Amon grunted, even as he pushed him along. "C'mon Kaneki."

Kaneki nodded before trying to speed up. Amon smiled before running after him. Kaneki had always been weak at anything physical but that didn't mean the black-haired boy didn't try. However, he worried that when they actually became investigators that he would end up dying from this sort of weakness.

Amon ran faster.

_He would not let Kaneki die then._

*** 

The whole entire classroom was filled to the brim with the scribbles of pencils and erasers. Amon sighed as he tapped his pencil, wondering what the answer was. He sighed again as Kaneki went up to turn in his paper.

Kaneki was always better than him on tests and he smiled at that. He could never sit long enough to study but Kaneki loved to read and gobble up information.

Perhaps he'll buy him a book next birthday.

*** 

They are eighteen when they become investigators.

They stand up straight, put on a tie and a coat and they face their new mentors with a smile. Then comes the separation.

Amon goes with Mado and Kaneki with another investigator whose name he does not quite know.

The investigator cracked his finger.

*** 

It is a couple of months when Amon realizes something is wrong.

Kaneki is quieter and he walks around with the balls of his feet, a habit he had taken up after finding Donato's… eating habits.

It is a few more days before he makes a move. It is when they are eating lunch together when Amon asks the question, "Are you okay?"

Kaneki looked up at him from his food. He smiled and touched his chin. "I'm fine Amon. Is it because we haven't been talking recently?"

Amon sputtered before calming down. He eyeballed Kaneki and pursed his lips. "Kaneki, are you sure?"

His hand brushed against his chin again. "I'm sure."

*** 

"I feel bad for your friend," Mado had commented one day.

Amon furrowed his eyebrows before speaking, "Why..? Usually you don't care much." _Apart from Ghouls and your daughter._

Mado eyeballed him before smirking. "You really don't know?"

"Know what?"

"That man… His name is Goumasa Tokage."

"And?" Amon was confused. What did his name have to do with anything? He then asked him the same question on his mind.

Mado laughed for a moment before calming down. "Goumasa Tokage. He used to torture Ghouls in Cochela until one of them escaped. A Ghoul named Yamori. He was then moved out into the Academy where he was caught killing animals too," Mado stated before pointing up. "The higher ups thought then that they should just move him to field work and maybe mentor a kid. Unfortunately… it's the kid you know isn't it?"

*** 

Amon was running.

How could Kaneki not tell him?

He ran faster until he could see the CCG building. He ran in before looking for Shinohara who was speaking to a rather small child. "D-Did you see Kaneki?"

Shinohara frowned for a moment. "Kaneki? He's the one mentored with…"

"Goumasa Tokage."

Shinohara paled for a moment. "You mean he's the one…"

Amon nodded and Shinohara shook his head. "I haven't seen him but I'll help you look. Juuzou-"

"Saw him~"

Amon's gaze zeroed in on the boy. "Where?"

"Forest of course!" Juuzou said before crossing his arms. "You owe me~"

Amon was already gone.

*** 

When he found them, he was angry.

Goumasa was flinging his quinque in a manner that made him think that some Ghouls existed in humans and Kaneki was running out of the way, trying to desperately fight back with his own small quinque.

Amon had enough and pulling out his briefcase, he let out his own quinque and skidded in front of Kaneki who stared at him with wide eyes. Amon bared his teeth. "Enough."

Goumasa frowned. "You're interrupting my little lesson."

"No," Amon said. "I'm not interrupting it. I'm ending it."

"You don't have clearance-"

_"But I do."_

Goumasa narrowed his eyes at the new person in the conversation. "Shinohara."

"You're already on probation from what happened last time. Enough. I will be filing a report to have you sent away."

Goumasa huffed before eyeballing Kaneki. A small grin reached his face. "Kaneki. Keep my _lessons_ in mind when I leave."

Kaneki froze before he cracked his finger.

Goumasa could only laugh.

*** 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kaneki does not reply and Amon grabbed at his hair. "Kaneki!"

Kaneki finally looked up and smiled. "It was fine Amon. Really. Now-"

Amon took his hand, gripping it. "Please. Tell me the truth from now on."

Kaneki looked at him before squeezing back. "Okay then." _I can't._

Amon smiled and for a moment, that smile was everything to Kaneki.

*** 

"Happy birthday Amon!"

Amon blinked as he stared at the surprise in front of him. Kaneki had managed to rope in Mado _(who in turn brought his daughter)_ , Shinohara and Juuzou and a multitude of other people. He smiled as Kaneki brought him closer. "Thank you all. I- Thank you."

Mado only tilted his head while Shinohara laughed. "It was mostly Kaneki's doing. All we did was bring booze and presents!"

Amon flushed. "Y-You didn't have to!" Then he turned to Kaneki. "Thank you… you didn't have to go all through this trouble."

"It's worth it Amon," Kaneki only replied. "H-Here's your present."

Amon accepted the gift, opening it gently. A cross, golden and light, presented itself. Something stuttered in his heart then, the thought of Donato, the thought of the Orphanage before he snapped back to Kaneki's worried face.

He put it on.

This cross was from _Kaneki_ , not from Donato, not from the Orphanage.

"Thank you."

He never took it off.

*** 

It is a couple months later after that when he's fiddling around with the cross that a thought passes his mind. _I love Kaneki._

A second later he froze, eyes wide and hand still on the cross. He… Did he love Kaneki? Amon grabbed at his hair. Did. He. Love. Kaneki?

_Yes._

Amon stood abruptly before walking out.

He had to exercise.

Meanwhile Mado watched him leave with a quirk of his lips. Amon is a weird kid.

*** 

"I'm home!"

Kaneki turned to see Amon walking in through the door. "Hi Amon."

No reply.

Kaneki furrowed his eyebrows. "Amon?" Amon looked at him with wild eyes and something in that gaze made him nervous. "What's wrong? Are you-"

"I like-" _you. I like you._

Kaneki's eyebrows furrowed again as Amon cut himself off. "Amon… Did- Did you want to eat something?"

Amon muttered to himself before slumping. He finally seemed to have chosen something because a second later he replied, "...donuts."

Kaneki laughed. _Amon is so weird._

*** 

Amon is sleeping when he hears screaming from besides his room. Suddenly he's springing out of his bed and he rushed to where the sounds were coming from.

His hand rested on the doorknob and a memory of the day he had discovered the truth of Donato past through his mind before he slammed open the door.

Kaneki was thrashing on the bed, screaming and Amon rushed to his side, hand clamping on his shoulder. "Wake up!"

Dark eyes met his in a startling glance. Kaneki slowly rose and he kept staring at Amon. He could hear Kaneki cracking his finger in the silence. Finally Amon spoke again, "Was it… Is it because of Goumasa?"

Kaneki then smiled that smile and touched his chin. "Of course not."

Amon didn't believe him this time.

He stays with him though.

*** 

They are walking through a busy street when Kaneki spots a cafe. Tapping Amon's shoulder, they walk through and enter.

It is a warm place bustling with people. Kaneki laughs as Amon manages to mess up a coffee order and Kaneki orders for him, along with a sweet. Amon only scowls at him for a little bit before his face his face fills with a quiet fondness that has Kaneki smiling.

_I love you_ , Amon thinks and his heart aches with the fullness of those words. _I love you Ken._

It is a few days later towards the evening that Amon has to trail after Mado and Kaneki is free. Amon asks him if Kaneki can bring some sweets from the cafe they went to and Kaneki with a smile agrees.

It is Amon's worst decision ever.

Towards six o'clock as the sun is going down and the world is blanketed into darkness, so is Amon's heart. His cellphone rings and his life is shattered. _"Are you Amon Koutarou?"_

"Yes."

"Kaneki Ken is in the hospital for a kidney surgery. He is in Kanou General and- Hello?"

Amon is gone and running.

*** 

This was all his fault.

If he hadn't asked Kaneki to pick up the sweets, if he hadn't left Kaneki alone, if he hadn't…

He should have told him.

Amon closed his eyes before kissing Kaneki on the forehead.

"I love you."

*** 

It is a few days later when he visits again and Kaneki is awake and one of his eyes is covered by an eyepatch. Amon only smiles at him before holding a bag of burgers that Kaneki liked so much. "Are you hungry?" His eyes land on a tray full of hospital food. "I guess you are."

He sat down then, opening the bag when Kaneki spoke, "Remember you told me not to keep any secrets?"

Amon's gaze sharpened and he set aside the bag, giving Kaneki his full attention. "Yes."

Kaneki smiled at him before undoing his eyepatch. A blooming red stared back at him. "Will you kill me Amon?"

*** 

Amon had taken Kaneki home, unable to believe this was happening.

He bit his lip, making it bleed.

Kaneki could not die, could not die, _could not-_

His cellphone rang. "Hello?"

"Amon. Can you please come back?"

Something in Kaneki's tone of voice worried him and he asked urgently, "Kaneki, what are you-"

"Please."

"Okay, I'm coming-" The beep of a call ending greeted him and he cursed before running back home.

_Please don't do anything stupid Kaneki._

He is opening the door when he sees Kaneki with a quinque aimed at his surgery scar. He is crying, teeth biting onto his shirt and his hands are trembling as they keep the knife aloft. Amon stilled, hand outstretched. "K-Kaneki… Please," he begged.

Kaneki's eyes met his, one something he hated for so long and the other that he loved for even longer. The knife swung down and blood was splattering everywhere. Amon raced for the phone as Kaneki screamed and sobbed, tearing his scar open and ripping out his kidney. He dialed the number to the CCG hospital, trying to ignore the shrieks that were going to haunt his memories forever. "Hello, CCG hos-"

"P-Please… _help."_

*** 

"They couldn't take it out."

Amon's heart sunk as he heard those words and he slumped in his chair, hands in his head. Dr. Shiba finally sighed before speaking, "Don't worry. All of us know that Kaneki was a human before with no choice in the surgery and that he tried to get rid of it. None of us are condemning him except, perhaps himself."

Amon nodded before sighing. "Can I see him?"

"Yes although I warn you that he's been in a rather depressive mood. We've been trying to get him to eat but-"

"Kaneki would never eat humans."

Dr. Shiba shrugged. "Exactly that. I would try and convince him however. We need investigators and we won't lose one by starvation. We are, after all, giving him the same thing as Ghouls in Cochela."

Amon nodded before heading inside. "Kaneki?"

A book slammed next to his head and a watery sob. "Why didn't you leave me?"

"Kaneki-"

_"I'M A GHOUL!"_ /p>

Amon rushed over, grabbing Kaneki's face and he shoved his face in front of Kaneki's wild one and he snarled, breath heavy, "You are _not_ a Ghoul."

Kaneki shoved him away, eyes wild and bitter. Amon watched him, a sorrowful look on his face. Suddenly he was running outside, the door slamming open and Kaneki watched him go, the bitterness flowing into a sad smile. _Now Amon will at least be safe from this monster I've become._

The smile turned into tears.

*** 

Amon and Kaneki do not talk for a long time.

*** 

"I'm sorry!"

Kaneki turned, eyes wide. "A-Amon?"

Amon was in a seiza position, head on the ground. Kaneki knelt, trying to lift Amon's head up but to no avail. "Amon, get up."

Amon only lifted his head to stare into Kaneki's eyes and suddenly reached up, grabbing his face and kissing him.

Kaneki's eyes widened as Amon kissed him firmly, embracing him in a wide embrace. Kaneki vaguely could feel his hands going on his shoulders and gripping hard. Amon's hands then moved around his waist and embraced him there, dragging him closer. Finally Amon stopped kissing to Kaneki's disappointment and stared at him with those godforsaken grey eyes.

"I love you Kaneki Ken," Amon said in a strange husky voice. "I love you and I will not be a coward any longer."

Kaneki stared at him then and looked into the jagged pieces of his own heart and looked at Amon's whole one before embracing the man. "I love you too."

_Can I be selfish as well?_

_Please don't let this end in heartbreak._

*** 

"I'm going to go on an investigation now Amon," Kaneki said tying his tie and pecking Amon on the cheek. "I'll see you later."

Amon smiled and he kissed Kaneki on the lips. "Of course. Be safe."

"I will."

He isn't.

Kaneki does not come back that night.

*** 

_"What's 1000 minus 7?"_

*** 

Amon rushed through the area, swarming with Ghouls and CCG alike.

When he had heard that Kaneki might have been in this area, he had jumped at the chance of going, begged actually.

And now he was here.

_I'll save you Ken. Just wait for me._

*** 

Amon bit his lip.

He would have to choose between Kaneki and helping to fight the One-Eyed Owl. He closed his eyes.

What would Kaneki choose?

He felt a hand on his shoulder.

_Go help them you big dummy._

He closed his eyes.

_Damn it Kaneki._

*** 

Kaneki follows his nose.

He can hear the battle raging, can feel it in his bones but he can't pinpoint where.

His nose can however.

He follows it and he can smell a faint scent, a familiar scent and suddenly he's outside and he's watching a death battle.

The One-Eyed Owl and a small CCG squad.

His eyes trail over them and one thing is registering.

_Amon is here._

He can feel his feet walking, then running and he's running even though it hurts and-

_"AMON!"_

Amon stared in front of him as he saw a flash of white block the strike of the Owl. He could feel the spurt of blood on his face. "K-Kaneki?"

A hand grasped his shoulder and he looked up to see Shinohara with a grim face. "Kaneki-kun."

A soft gentle smile and the turning of human to monster, black to white and grey to red.

"Stay back. I will deal with the One-Eye."

Amon could feel himself trying to protest but Shinohara spoke first, "You will die."

"But you won't."

Amon is scrabbling now and he tries to grab Kaneki but he's gone like the snowfall and all that's left is blood.

He weeps as he is taken away.

_Kaneki you sacrificial bastard. Have you learned nothing of martyrs?_

*** 

"Kaneki Ken has made a bold sacrifice for the CCG. He has taken down the One-Eyed Owl, Yamori of the 13th Ward and many other Ghouls that many failed to take down before. He was an amazing colleague, never giving up even as he was forcibly turned into a half-Ghoul. He had struggled through his Ghoulism and remained a human to the very end. We hope that Kaneki Ken is in a better place. Thank you."

There was a polite clapping and Amon wished that they would all shut up. No one knew Kaneki like he did, didn't know that Kaneki was greater than those words, better than those words. No one knew that Kaneki was like the very stars and that he was the greatest and possibly the most selfless person on this Earth.

He held back tears.

He should have told him that he loved him.

_Damn it._

*** 

The day of the Aogiri raid.

It haunts him for years to come.

*** 

"Hello, how may I take your order?"

"K-Ken?"

*** 

When Amon finds Kaneki again, something in him vows to never let go of the younger again. So, he woos "Haise", makes the white and black-haired man fall in love with him.

He has Kaneki again.

Then when the reports of Ghouls started streaming in and his lover started looking to the darkened streets, Amon goes to his closet and opens it.

Inside is a briefcase, covered in a thin layer of dust.

He rested his forehead on it, grasping his cross.

_God give me the strength each day to fight for my family._

*** 

"What's that suitcase for?"

"Work."

**Author's Note:**

> For a better version, please go to Fanfiction.net at VariousStories123. Thank you.


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